Defining The Darkness
by Jacaroo
Summary: Buffy visits Angel during his dark spell in Season Two.


Author: Jacqui, Jacaroo Rating: R/NC 17 Spoilers: Not a one.. Disclaimer: ::Snorts:: Yeah, right. I own Buffy and Angel. In what dimension are we? Timeframe: Goes AU directly after the end of Ats "Redefinition" and Btvs's "Into the Woods". Plot: Buffy and Angel find some peace.. Author's Note: I had this thought, rewatching (and repanting) DarkAngel from season two when he's in the basement brooding and being yummy in his white singlet. What if Buffy just happened to stop by? How would cranky Angel respond? Thus.a fic was spurned. Author's Note 2: Witness Jacqui getting her writing groove back.yay!  
  
Redefining the Darkness  
  
By Jacqui  
  
He pulled the darts from the corkboard and took two measured steps backwards, fully intending one more round to hone in his already perfected aim.  
  
In actual fact he was simply waiting for Wesley, Cordelia and Gunn to stop discussing his downward spiral into obsession and leave him alone. He wished he could tell them to keep it the hell down up there but doubted they'd get how sensitive vampiric hearing could be. Also, how annoying.  
  
Finally though, after a minute spent standing with his eyes shut he felt their heartbeats fading away as the double entry doors slammed shut with enough force to make the support beams shudder around him.  
  
Finally. Peace.  
  
Angel opened his eyes and threw the first dart, it was slightly out of the central circle and he frowned. Dammit! Wesley's little spiel about fighting the good fight was getting to him. What did he care if they kept on working with Cordy's visions? He had more important issues to deal with. Like two insane female vampires running loose around his city, burnt as they were.  
  
The second dart missed the board altogether and Angel ground his teeth together in agitation.  
  
As he bent down to pick it up he felt a heartbeat entering the lobby above and paid it no heed, it was probably Wesley, come back to give his motivational speech another shot. Let him try.  
  
I'll just sit him down and inform him how it's entirely my fault all those lawyers died, that I didn't even flinch when I smelt the fear in that cellar and locked them all in, and that given the chance to, I still can't seem to kill Darla, especially since I saw that spark of hope in her eyes and felt her warmth pressed against me.  
  
Growling softly in anger, he threw all the darts in his hands towards the board in quick succession, they all hit, most directly into the middle and he was in the process of pulling them out again when he heard feet on the staircase behind him and a whiff of vanilla filtered down to him.  
  
"What'd it do to you?"  
  
Angel stiffened almost imperceptibly and didn't bother to turn around, he could hear the anger and frustration seeping from her voice but he didn't care. He didn't care he reminded himself again. Buffy wasn't his problem anymore. She had her little soldier boy and her gang of scoobies in Sunnydale and he had.what? Darkness and Demons as usual.  
  
Two demons in fact. Both of which were his responsibility.  
  
If I had just stopped Drusilla in that damned hotel room Darla would still be alive..!.  
  
"What do you want, Buffy?"  
  
The sight of Angel's muscular body in his slacks and white shirt had the same effect on Buffy that it always did. She felt her heart flutter wildly inside her chest and fought back the urge to grab him and throw him against the wall. He was still utterly beautiful, her Angel. Even when he was angry and hurting.  
  
No Buffy..Not YOUR Angel anymore! Remember Riley? He just left you in a big helicopter..  
  
Buffy mentally chastised herself and tried not to cringe at the memory of chasing after Riley. Since when had she become one of those women who try to stop their guy leaving them? If Riley wanted to go be Jungle G.I Joe in the jungle, which apparently he did, who was she to stop him?  
  
"Nice to see you too. Word of advice though, detective agencies usually work better if you answer the phone once in a while."  
  
Buffy leant against the wooden beam at the bottom of the stairwell and they both were silent, listening as the phone rang insistently for a few more seconds and then quieted as if realizing no-one was about to hear it.  
  
Angel sighed softly and swung about; ready to order her to get the hell out when he finally caught sight of her. He raked his dark eyes over her body, not in a sexual way, but as a concerned lover might when he noticed his partner was seriously underweight and looked so defeated, as Buffy did at this very moment and Angel tried to mentally work out what was going on with her that would make his once athletic and savvy lover-EX! His ex-lover look so malnourished, both mentally and physically speaking.  
  
"What's the matter? You look terrible."  
  
Buffy's chin jerked up in surprise and she couldn't help the well of tears that sprang to her eyes at Angel's blunt statement.  
  
"God..thanks so much! Got anything else to add to that? How about 'you look too thin' or, 'gee, how bout those dark circles under your eyes?'"  
  
"I thought 'you look terrible' sort of precluded that."  
  
Angel didn't blink, his hand still holding a bunch of darts, the other hanging limply by his body, but there was no tiny twitch of his lips or twinkle in his eyes to show that he was teasing her, that he was simply trying to get a rise out of her. There was nothing. His facial muscles didn't twitch, nor did his eyes wander to the side, always a give that he was hiding something.  
  
Buffy tried to hold back the tears and she sobered slightly as she realized that what Cordelia had told her over the phone was true, this wasn't Angel. Though neither was it Angelus, for the cruelty lacked his finesse and characteristic smirk of bravado. This was some other dark creature inhabiting her Angel's body. Though he did have the knack of knowing exactly how to best wound her. Only Angel had ever been able to so pierce through her breastplate straight into the soft flesh of her heart.  
  
"Fine, whatever. I'm gonna go.leave you to your little brush with the dark side of the force. Do me a favor and don't call me again."  
  
As she began moving back up the stairs slowly, her movement carried her scent across the room to him and his chest ached even as he hardened his body and mind against her, as he smelt the mixture of hurt and sadness radiating from her body.  
  
"Fine. I won't. Go back to your little Soldier boy and have fun 'knowing' him."  
  
He turned his back on her retreating form and moved to the far wall, his Demon screaming for him to grab the Slayer and bite her, drain her, finish his suffering at her hand once and for all. He ignored it as he always had, but shifted uncomfortably on his feet as his body reacted to the mere thought of tasting Buffy again. He was suddenly fiercely glad she was leaving, as his hard-on tented the front of his pants.  
  
Buffy stopped when she reached the top stair. Her body was trembling so much she had trouble even clasping her hand around the doorknob and she fought for composure in her voice as she said softly, knowing Angel could hear her as clearly as if she'd screamed it.  
  
"Riley left me."  
  
Angel tensed but said nothing, he still had his back to her when she slowly turned back around, but she could tell he was listening to her. He began polishing a broadsword and Buffy had to swallow as she fought back the urge to burst into tears. He didn't care. He basically told her as much. So why was she still here again?  
  
Slayer pride warred with her wounded heart about saying anything more to her ex-boyfriend who looked, at least from his back, as if he were extremely bored with her very presence. The Gryphon tattoo half concealed by his singlet flirted with her vision as he flexed his shoulders every few minutes.  
  
She let out a semi bitter bark of laughter as she descended all but three stairs again and waved her arms as she spoke, anger turning most of her little speech into a hiss.  
  
"He left me and you know all I could think about? You. How this, his leaving doesn't even begin to compare to the hurt I felt when you left. It still hurts. Even now, standing here like this with you." She dropped her eyes to the dusty floor as she continued softly; "It still hurts."  
  
Angel shut his eyes tightly and his knuckles turned white with the force of his hold around the hilt of his sword. He never could stand to see Buffy cry. And his heart and his head went to battle over whether or not he should take her in his arms and hold her.  
  
I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.  
  
His inner mantra faded into nothingness as Buffy let out a tiny sob and his anger dissipated in the wake of it, he dropped his sword onto the table and turned, walking to the stairs and opening his arms for her. Buffy reacted instantly and was powerfully claimed by the rightness of being held by him again. She burrowed her face into his shoulder and inhaled his musky Angel scent as he closed his arms around her trembling frame and rested his chin on the crown of her head, murmuring softly; "It's okay. Shh. Buffy. It's okay."  
  
When she felt capable of not hiccuping her way through a sentence she drew back enough to look up into his eyes. They were still dark, still full of some pain that he was determined not to share with any of his friends or even her. But he did manage to locate a tiny smile and her heart rejoiced at the sight of it because it meant that he wasn't completely lost in the dark place he'd led himself into.  
  
"I'm sorry. I made your shirt all wet." She muttered inanely, and Angel dropped his chin to see the smudges of mascara and lipstick on his shirt, he shrugged. "It's old. Buffy.I."  
  
Buffy shook her head and pressed a hand over his mouth, signaling he shouldn't speak.  
  
"No, it's okay. I shouldn't have come in and just expected you to care about my problems. Especially when you're having some serious issues up here with a certain blonde vampire."  
  
Angel's brow rose and he fought back the crooked grin at the scowl on Buffy's face as she mentioned Darla. She never had been good at disguising her jealousy.  
  
"You heard?"  
  
"Big yes. Spike told me. And then I rang here and Cordelia reaffirmed. You're going through some big ugly crisis too." Not being able to resist the urge, Buffy ran her fingers through the dark hair, loving how soft and thick it was beneath her fingers.  
  
Angel shut his eyes briefly and fought back the low purr rising in his throat as Buffy threaded her fingers in his hair. He'd missed the way she'd do that when he used to lie with his head in her lap, usually while she was reading, and she'd stroke her fingers through his hair to lull him to sleep.  
  
He opened them again as what she'd said sunk in and he growled out softly; "Spike knows? How?"  
  
Buffy shrugged her shoulders, dropping her hands from his hair and taking a step backwards out of the calming circle of his arms and leaning against the wooden post again.  
  
"Dunno. Maybe he heard it on the vampire grapevine. Do vampires have a grapevine?" Her nose wrinkled up slightly as she thought about that for an instant.  
  
Angel shook his head slightly and let out another sigh. "Listen Buffy.." Then he paused and studied her face carefully. "Wait, you said 'too'. Who else has been having a crisis? Buffy? What's going on in Sunnydale?"  
  
Buffy avoided his eyes and moved to sit down on the stairwell, she buried her face in her hands a moment, then pushed them back through her hair, finally gazing up at him sadly.  
  
"I don't know.where do I start? So many things are going wrong and I.I don't know what to do anymore."  
  
Angel sat down beside her, her body heat warming him and looked steadily into her green eyes, paying close attention to the swirls of hazel and blue that told him how unhappy she was.  
  
"Just start at the beginning." He said softly.  
  
So she did. She told Angel all about Glory and Dawn being the Key, to which Angel's reaction was acute and shocked. He'd always adored the young girl he'd thought of as the younger sister he'd killed long ago. She'd sobbed her way through explaining about her mom's cancer and the tests and drugs, to which Angel had taken her hand tightly in his own and pressed kisses to her palm as he murmured "I'm sorry". She'd even managed to get through telling him about Riley's leaving and was just bitching about Spike stealing her panties when Angel let out a snarl and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her tightly against him and burying his face against her neck, feeling for the scar that proclaimed her as his own.  
  
"Angel.!"  
  
Buffy gasped, her hands immediately going around his shoulders, moaning softly as he pressed gentle kisses to her shoulder and neck, nipping at the vanilla scented skin. She was so warm, so vibrant, his Buffy.Darla had felt this warm but now she was so cold.and soulless..and it was all his doing. Angel kissed his way up Buffy's neck, soft growls issuing from his throat as she clutched at his shoulder and hair, sighing his name and moaning softly.  
  
"Buffy.buffy.your so warm.so warm.you smell so good." Buffy's heart thudded in her ears as Angel's cheek rubbed against her own, the slight abrasion of stubble tickling her soft skin as his mouth finally found her own and her lips parted instantly for his blissful invasion. Angel pressed her against the stairwell and maneuvered his upper body over her own, her breasts rubbing against his chest; her nipples instantly hard as moisture flooded her core.  
  
He growled and kissed her harder, his lips bruising her own and Buffy had to tear her lips away, turning her head to the side as she tried to weakly protest at his ravishment. What was happening? One minute they were calmly discussing her disgust at Spike's growing obsession with her and now Angel's hands were running over her body in nothing less than a possessive manner.  
  
Was it the mention of Spike that did it?  
  
Buffy didn't know and she didn't have to time to consider it because between gasps of breath she was lifted up and her legs automatically locked around Angel's waist like a monkey as he carried her up the staircase and through the darkened lobby and up another winding stairwell, all in what felt like the blink of an eye.  
  
Angel was mindless except for the need to be with his mate again. He knew, somewhere deep in his head that alarm bells were sounding for his soul's continued existence but Angel also knew, that no matter how much pleasure he found in Buffy's arms tonight, there would be no moment of happiness. Not with the knowledge of what he'd done, and what he still planned to do, to stop Darla and Drusilla.  
  
But that didn't mean he wasn't planning to thoroughly enjoy himself though, and he'd be damned if he took his true love on the floor of the basement, no matter how urgently his cock throbbed against the restriction of his pants.  
  
Kicking open his bedroom door, and slamming it shut again with his boot, Angel tossed Buffy on the crimson velvet sheets and crawled on top of her, pressing rough, snarled kisses to her neck and shoulders as his fingers tore her shirt from her body and threw it away, his pants of lust reverberating in Buffy's ears as she moaned continuously and ground her hips against Angel's crotch.  
  
She knew this was wrong, that she was endangering more than just her own life with this insanity, but God forgive her she couldn't stop him. He was hers and she was more than convinced that she belonged to him and Angel seemed more than ready to claim her so she gave in to it and bit into his shoulder savagely, feeling him shudder and growl into her hair as he raised his lips to hers and kissed her desperately, hungrily, forcing Buffy to breath through her nose as he refused her air for long minutes at a time.  
  
Finally, finally, he lifted her thighs and settled himself between them, his eyes burning saffron and holding her own as he thrust inside her, stretching her body to fit him as she melted and set around his intruding cock, clutching at him with tiny muscles.  
  
His every thrust forced the air from her lungs as he pounded her into the mattress, and he continued to stare down at her as their bodies moved in union, their eyes locked together as he pistoned in and out of her body, Buffy's legs wound with his own, her tiny frame completely possessed by his substantially larger one.  
  
"Angel.Angel.I love you." Buffy breathed, tossing her head from side to side on the pillows, her blond hair matted with sweat and stuck to her forehead and Angel's eyes turned golden as he heard her moaned declaration and helpless to his passion for the tiny human beneath him, he bit into his scar, nursing roughly, but carefully of her blood.  
  
Buffy's heart pounded in her ears as her lover bit her and as before with his bite, she climaxed instantly, her body clutching at his as she let out a soft scream and called his name in ecstasy.and promptly fainted. Or, passed out more precisely. Claimed by Le Petite Morte, the Slayer fell into a deep slumber, her Angel's muffled roar of completion lost to her slumbering ears.  
  
When Buffy awoke, hours later, she was wrapped in warm bedcovers, her nudity covered, and she clamped her hands over her mouth as she fought back blind panic and turned, positive the past was reliving itself and she was about to find herself alone in Angel's bed again.  
  
Her pulse slowed slightly at the sight of her lover, asleep, his arm flung out from where she'd been lying. He'd been holding her to him and their legs were still slightly entangled as she saw the tiny smile that was a permanent fixture on his face.  
  
"Oh God." She squeaked, leaning over him and placing a tiny hand over his chest. "Angel?.Angel?" Fear spiked her blood as Angel's eyes opened slowly and looked up at her, the blond hair rumpled from sleep and her lips still swollen from his kisses.  
  
"Angel.are you.?.Should I be.?"  
  
Reaching up a hand, he snaked it around the back of her neck and drew her down to him, brushing a gentle kiss to her bruised lips. He shook his head slightly and Buffy's breath whooshed out of her body in a rush and she sank down gratefully on him, settling on his chest as he lazily raked a hand through her hair.  
  
They didn't speak for a long time, and Buffy was almost asleep when she finally raised her chin and Angel looked down at her, his dark eyes intense in the dark.  
  
"Why didn't you..? I mean.didn't you.?  
  
"Yes. I did."  
  
"And I.."  
  
"Twice."  
  
"So why no Angelus? I don't understand."  
  
Angel heaved an unnecessary sigh and tightened his arms around her slim body, holding her near as if she were his anchor, holding him in this temporary port of sanity in an ocean of loneliness and fear.  
  
"Things have been.insane here Buffy. I've been.going through some darkness. And as much as I love you.as much as I enjoyed that." He smiled wearily and touched her blushing cheeks.  
  
"No big happy?" She whispered softly, searching his chocolate brown eyes for the source of his sadness.  
  
"No big happy." He reiterated hoarsely, fighting hopelessly as tears flooded his eyes and he began to keen into her hair.  
  
Buffy climbed up his body and coaxed his head into her lap; he rubbed his cheek against her stomach and sobbed for all that he'd lost over the past few months. He cried for not being able to save Darla, he cried for losing his friends and he cried for his loss of hope, of endurance of redemption. He cried all this into his lover's soft body and she rubbed her fingers through his hair, stroking through the silken strands till the sobs quieted and he lay silent, listening to the reassuring thud of her heartbeat.  
  
Whatever was coming, they would always have each other.  
  
And for now, that was all that mattered.  
  
The End. 


End file.
